I’ve been distracted. And I want to apologize to all of you.
I have been distracted by the world.
By what people want and don’t want.
By burnout and striving.
By figuring out who I am.
By fear of people’s opinions.
By my own selfishness, insecurities, and fears.
2022 produced immense growth in my life, but before I got to that point, I felt that emptiness in ways that I never have before. I have been distracted from my faith and consumed by things that are extremely meaningless.
But in the past few months, my joy has felt bigger and wider than it has in a very long time. And I honestly feel more free and liberated than I ever have (thanks, counseling). From ashes comes beauty – and Jesus is always faithful to bring the beauty.
If you’ve been following me for a long time, you’ve likely seen and felt this shift in the past year. And if you did, and still continued walking alongside of me, I am so thankful for you.
This public platform is really unique in that my emotions and experiences aren’t put on pause or protected just because I love Jesus on a public platform. My faith has trenches and peaks – as any faith does. My faithfulness in reading and in prayer ebbs and flows. My focus shifts and God redirects.
He has been so faithful to redirect me, again and again. I trust that it won’t be the last time that I find myself veering off. But each time, I grow and learn how to draw near to Him more quickly than the time before.
The walk of a Christian is never one of perfection. It is one of brokenness and self-examination and reliance and repentance. And I pray that I display that walk to you, even through my own failure and struggles.
We see throughout scripture that God often allows His children to choose the world, or their own will, and to get to a place where we feel completely empty. He knows that once we have tasted His goodness, we will quickly find that this world has nothing that will ever satisfy our hearts.
I will keep running toward His grace, even when I have nothing to give.
“And I know it’s not much, but I’ve nothing else fit for a King, except for a heart singing hallelujah.”